Chuckles and Grins

Since the release of Armed and Outrageous I have been coasting along, if only I could get around that mac Truck. Mac Truck you say? Yes, perception is the obstacle that I face everyday. When I wrote Armed and Outrageous I knew it was unique, my characters outrageous, their antics out of this world. I put them into difficult situations and it still amazes me how it all turned out.

Some people really balk at the notion of a main character who is seventy-two, but I assure you my reviews say otherwise. Yes, a few mentioned they have never read a book about characters of this age bracket, and yes, it’s a bit shocking as I portray them doing things no senior ever should.

I was interviewed once and the interviewer mentioned that she had never known a writer to portray sexual content about senior citizens before. She quickly correctively said that it’s not erotica, which it isn’t. This was a huge compliment to me. Another recent comment was that seventy is the new fifty – I’m so gonna use that one because I think it’s dead on. Perceptions of seniors needs to change and believe me, I’m breaking the age barrier. I’m selling more and more books to people who are in their twenties and thirties.

I’d love to hear what you have to say about perceptions.

Outrageous excerpt ~

Making my way into the bathroom, I turned on the water and tossed in some bath beads. I’ll risk the UTI. I then retrieved the phone. I mean what in the hell would happen if I fell in the bathtub and couldn’t get out. It would be mighty embarrassing—for the paramedics.

I know I should get one of those lifeline devices seniors wear, but I’m not that old yet. I knew a woman that had one, returned it, and fell a week later. She had to crawl to the phone. I shuddered, that won’t happen to me. I hope.
I slipped my clothes off and folded them neatly in a chair. I can still wear them another day. It’s not as if they’re dirty. Not that I don’t have a washer and dryer, I do. It’s just another thing I don’t have time for. I’d much rather spend my days in the garden.

I eased myself into the water that smelled of lavender, and just as I started to relax, the phone rang.

Grimacing, I reached for the phone, fumbling with it, nearly dropping it into the bath water. That’s what happened to my last phone.

I leaned my head over the tub and put the phone to my ear.

Before I even could say hello, someone started talking. 

“Aggie, are you okay?”

I froze. Who is this? “I’m fine. Why?”

“This is Andrew. When it took so long for you to answer … well, I just wondered is all.”

Damn, how in the hell did he get my number? I suddenly felt more naked, if that made a lick of sense.

“I hope you don’t mind that I’m calling. I know you were hoping William could supply you with a list of Jennifer’s friends. Unfortunately, William can’t help you with that. He didn’t want to admit how little he knows his daughter. Plus, William didn’t appreciate your insinuation that he’s cheating on his wife.”

“Is he?” The sarcasm dripped from my mouth. Had I thought better of it, I would have made an effort to mask it, but that wouldn’t be me.

“You haven’t changed a bit.”

“It comes with the territory. No man that’s faithful to his wife gets so damn sensitive when you ask him if he’s cheating, unless he has something to hide.” I tried to think straight. “Is she Jennifer’s mother?”

“No, she’s someone he hooked up with ten years ago after his wife disappeared. She’s quite a bit younger than him.”

“What else is new?”

“Now that’s not fair, Aggie, we’re not all like that.”

He had a way of making me feel bad. “I’m sorry to hear about your wife’s death, Andrew.”

“Thanks. I’m sorry I can’t help you further. Jot down my number in case you need to contact me.”

I laughed, looking down at my bath water. Poking my toes up, I can see the wrinkles already forming. “I can’t right now.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m in the bathtub that’s why not. I just got in here, and it’s where I plan to stay.”

I heard static. I must have shocked him. Did he hang up? I hung up the phone, of all the nerve.

The phone rang again, and I answered it. “Hello.” I grimaced when I heard Andrew’s voice. I certainly didn’t want to talk to him now.

“Sorry about that, Aggie. I heard you say you’re naked in the tub, and I dropped the phone.”

“Oh the horror, a seventy-two-year old woman naked in a tub.” I wished I could reach through the phone and strangle him.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

I changed the subject. “So how exactly did Jennifer’s mother disappear?”

“He said she ran off and left a note behind, so the police didn’t need to get involved.”

“Starting to sound like a coincidence? How did he get a divorce if she’s missing?”

“It’s possible to divorce someone without them signing or being present.”

“Did he get a divorce?”

“Damn, Aggie. He’s married, I went to the wedding.”

“You two are that chummy.”

“I’ve handled some things for him through the years.”

“Like what?”

“I can’t tell you that, Aggie, you know that.”

I frowned. “You’ll have to call me back tomorrow. If you have any useful information, leave a message on my answering machine because I plan on being out the entire day.”

“Doing what?”

“Don’t you never mind doing what. I’m on the case now, and 

I plan to see it through. I just wonder what else William is hiding.”

“Be careful, Aggie. I’ll talk to you soon.” He hung up without giving me time to say another word.


4 thoughts on “Chuckles and Grins

  1. I’m right at the beginning of Armed and Dangerous. Had hand work to do so listened to the others. Done now so can read the Kindle.

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